The List
by ProngsieLovesLils
Summary: Lily makes a list of all the reasons she hates James, but it doesn't exactly work out as she planned. ONESHOT. [LilyXJames]


**DISCLAIMER:** **It's Jo's world. I'm borrowing it. Blah, blah. ONWARD!**

I, Lily Evans, do NOT like James Potter. I do not harbor a secret love for him. I do not share a dramatic love/hate relationship with him. I don't even have a relationship with him. I hate everything about the bloke. My friends, however, remain unconvinced. It's quite infuriating. They're incorrigible. I don't understand. ANYWAY, I'm so convinced that we will remain enemies until the day we die, I am going to make a list of 10 reasons why I hate James bloody Potter. I don't see how this will make them get off my back, but at least I'll feel better when they tease me about it. Okay, here goes.

**REASON ONE:**

His hair. I mean what the hell is wrong with it? Has he ever heard of a comb? Or mousse, perhaps? And even if he did use an ungodly amount of hair products, he would just keep running his hand through his tangled mane and mess it up all over again. _Bloody prat._

**REASON TWO:**

He's always taking up for me. I mean, just because I'm a woman doesn't mean I can't take up for myself. My mother always taught me to fight my own battles. He's making me disobey my mother, and that's just WRONG. No more of that. _Stupid, noble arse._

**REASON THREE:**

Manwhore. Enough said. Well, actually, Sirius is more of a manwhore. I mean, you never really hear anything about James sleeping around, but it's TRANSITIVE! Yes! So Sirius is a manwhore, and James is friends with Sirius, so James must be a manwhore too! Oh, but that would make Remus one. And Peter. Oh my, I didn't need to picture that. Well, it's his fault I'm making this list, anyway, so James put the image in my head. That's reason three.

**REASON 4:**

He plays tricks on everyone. Those ignorant Marauders don't know when to stop, either! They made Alice cry the other day when they put a boggart in her trunk. She had been convinced that Frank had been stabbed to death until she saw him in the corridor on the way to Dumbledore's office. Even then, she thought he was a Death Eater using Polyjuice potion and ran away from him, hiding behind a chair in the common room for three hours.

**REASON 5:**

He eats like he's been starving for years. I mean, I've _lost_ weight since I came to Hogwarts, even though I've grown about a foot. How can I keep up a healthy appetite with that human garbage disposal gracing me with his presence? _Disgusting, gluttonous hog._

**REASON 6:**

He teased Snape for five years. Snape was my best friend! And then he had the nerve to ask me out (again) after publicly humiliating him after O.W.L.'s! I mean, come on. That's just inconsiderate. Well, that's probably the understatement of the century. Whatever, I'm too tired to come up with a more severe synonym. I'm not a thesaurus.

**REASON 7:**

His ego can barely fit in the castle. Seriously. He doesn't just walk. The boy struts around the school. And he thinks he can win over any girl in the castle! Good luck with this one, Potter. _Brainless, conceited, sad excuse for a human being._

**REASON 8:**

He always asks me out, just randomly. Not in romantic ways or anything. He just…does. I mean, some girls find it charming how he's almost fearless. James intimidates most guys, and he has sort of peed on me. Figuratively. He's marked me as his territory. I am completely unavailable thanks to him. AND DON'T TELL ME I LIKE IT THAT WAY! _Witless, Gryffindor-like turd._

**REASON 9:**

He's so calm about this entire war. I mean what kind of person isn't freaking out about all the deaths that are happening in our world! He seems to have it in his mind that we're going to fall in love, get married, and have some kind of super baby that will save the world from Voldemort. No one ever believes Sybill when she makes one of those awful predictions. He seems to think this one is in our favor though. And just who is he to speak for me? You guessed it. He can't.

**REASON 10:**

This is the most important reason of all. All these years, I have been totally firm on my belief that I _cannot_ fall for James. I hate everything about him. I made a list. I read the list. I believe the list. I am his complete polar opposite. Those little things about him, those quirks, drive me crazy. But sometimes, crazy is a good thing. He makes me doubt myself, and no one else can do that. Why in the _world_ do I love him?

Okay, so now I would _really_ love to know something. What exactly was the point of this list? Bloody hell.

**A/N:** **Prongise and Lils forever! Please R&R. (:**


End file.
